A Final Goodbye to You
by maniac4.0
Summary: Songfic, OotP spoilers author begins sobbing  WHY!  WHY HIM!  wipes eyes and "Snuffs out a sniffle" Anyway, it’s to Michelle Branch’s "Goodbye to You" if that wasn’t already pretty obvious.  R&R please!  Thanx!


Songfic, OotP spoilers *author begins sobbing* WHY?! WHY HIM?! *wipes eyes and "Snuffs out a sniffle"* Anyway, it's to Michelle Branch's "Goodbye to You" if that wasn't already pretty obvious. R&R please! Thanx!  
  
Disclaimer: Hey, it's Noodlez! Bet you didn't think I could actually write something that made sense! Well I did and if it hasn't already been drilled into your skull from reading our other fics (if you haven't done so, I suggest you do after reading this so you can be all happy-happy again!) I don't own Harry Potter or anything affiliated with it :'(  
  
  
(A/n: Hahaha! I'm so happy youre reading this! *does trademark "Happy Dance"* Special thanks to my good friend AJ [but y'all may know her as Duckie'! ^.~] she found this song for me. Everyone repeat after me, "Thank you Duckie!". Ok, now another special thanks to Evan [A.K.A. Bond! ^.^] for posting this for me. I love ya both! Anywho, this is a songfic (duh!), the lyrics are from Michelle Branch's "Goodbye To You". I really don't know this song, but the lyrics worked really well. Again, thanks Duckie! Dokey okey, now everybody remember to review after reading, I absolutely love reviews! And I KNOW it's a reeeeeeaaaaally dumb title, but just deal with itin case you don't figure it out from reading the fic, I have no creativity whatsoever ^^; moving right along, PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks a bunch of bananas!!)  
  
**A Final Goodbye To You  
**  
  
  
  
Harry wandered around the halls of Hogwarts, not knowing where he was going, and not really caring where he ended up. Days had passed since the incident in the Department of Mysteries but every wound and hurt felt fresh. He was more heartbroken than words could describe yet still the tears could not fall. It seemed so unreal, it had all happened so fast. It just wasn't possible that Sirius was gone.  
  
Of all the things I believed in, I just wanna get it over with. Tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry. Counting the days that pass me by...  
  
All anyone could say to him was "I'm sorry" but nothing was enough to comfort Harry now. Sorry? That was just plain and empty, it meant nothing. It was just something people say as easily and thoughtlessly as "Hello". He was getting tired of hearing it. Harry didn't want pity, he wanted his godfather back. He longed for the visits to the cave outside Hogsmeade, the letters to and from Snuffles', the occasional visit via Floo Powder, the big black dog wagging his tail furiously whenever Harry approached, and the thought of someday being able to live away from the Dursleys. These past few years, he had actually had someone he could love like family. Someone who understood how he felt, someone who loved him back.  
  
I've been searching deep down in my soul. Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old It feels like I'm starting all over again. The last three years we'll just pretend....  
  
Sirius was as close to a father as Harry had ever had. Sure, he may have been on the run from the Ministry, but that hadn't stopped him supporting Harry whenever he needed him most. But when Harry had tried to do the same for Sirius, everything had backfired. And ended in disaster.  
  
And I said.......  
Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything that I knew. You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold onto........  
  
Harry had found that he could tell Sirius anything that was bothering him. His godfather had always found a way to make him feel more secure about a situation, had relieved him of the nightmares and bad thoughts that seemed drawn to him. But now it was hard for Harry to go even a few days knowing there would be no such comfort next time, now that Sirius was gone.  
  
"Damn it" Harry muttered, pounding his fist against the wall.  
  
Everything rested so heavily on his shoulders, stress and guilt ate away at him slowly. If only he had taken interest in Occlumency, maybe he would have been able to block the visions and Sirius would still be with him. Would everything have been alright, or was it better this way? Life had definitely not dealt Sirius a winning hand, but Harry's godfather had kept up his end of the bet no matter how hard anything got. The beginning was his home-life as a child, then running away and being disowned, the years in Azkaban after being framed for murder, the Ministry pursuing him after his escape, the loss of his best friend, the betrayal of another, nothing had gone right after Sirius's years at Hogwarts. Harry hoped he was in a better place, that he was happier now. He hadn't deserved to live this way, but he hadn't deserved death either. Why did it have to end like this?  
  
I used to get lost in your eyes. And now it seems that I can't live a day without you. Close my eyes and you'll chase the thoughts away, to a place where I am blinded by the light. But it's not right  
  
"Why did it have to be this way?! Why?!" Harry found himself shouting, he sank to his knees, the tears finally falling, "Dumbledore should've told me sooner! You didn't have to die!" his voice dropped as he choked on his words, "I'm so sorry, SiriusI'm sorry"  
  
Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything that I knew. You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold onto........  
  
Harry wiped the tears away and pulled himself to his feet, continuing his wandering through the hallways. Why hadn't Dumbledore told him sooner? It couldn't possibly be that he wasn't responsible or strong enough to handle the news. Harry had proved his worth countless times, and still the Headmaster hadn't told him. That damned Prophecy had been about him, a prediction of his future, and he hadn't been told about it until it was too late. But now he knew, knew that he was the one who would defeat Voldemort. He was the Dark Lord's Bane. His life would either include murder, or end in it. Everything had been entrusted to him. Saving the world from evil seemed like some great feat only an extremely powerful and courageous hero could achieve, but it all boiled down to one teenage boy who was still in school. What if he couldn't do it? What if he lost?  
  
"I don't want to be me anymorewhy does it have to be me?" Harry whispered to himself.  
  
Tears of sadness and fury blurred Harry's vision as he found himself climbing up a set of stone steps, but it didn't matter where it took him, he didn't have the energy to care.  
  
And it hurts to want everything, and nothing at the same time. I want what's yours and I want what's mine. I want you, but I'm not giving in this chance.  
  
"I won't let you down, Sirius, I'll beat him, and Bellatrix and Wormtail too."  
  
A slight smile graced Harry's lips for a mere moment, then vanished as he thought of the scene in the Department of Mysteries. Bellatrix and Sirius dueling, Sirius's taunt, Bellatrix knocking Sirius through the Veil, then fleeing as Dumbledore made his entrance. Harry had chased Lestrange in a rage, and in one desperate attempt to make her feel the way he felt, he had used an Unforgivable curse. It hadn't been nearly strong enough, not enough to fell her, not nearly enough to show her how it felt to have loved and lost. She had deserved death, not Sirius.  
  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved,  
The one thing that I tried to hold onto........  
The one thing that I tried to hold onto........  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved,  
The one thing that I tired to hold onto........  
  
Harry reached the top of the stairs he had been climbing. He wiped his eyes to clear his vision, and saw he had reached the Astronomy tower. He trudged over to an open area and stared out at the night sky. He traced the pattern of the Canis Major constellation in the air, pausing as he reached the brightest star, the dog star, Sirius. Then Harry knew it would be alright, Sirius may be gone from this world, but he would always be watching over him.  
  
"From abovemaybe even with Mum and Dadoh Sirius, I hope you're with thembe happy now, please be happy. You deserve it."  
  
And when the stars fall I will lie awake  
You're my shooting star.  
  
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Hey! Well, what'd you think? Good? OK? Or did I totally kill the whole thing? Please review! I'llI'll be a good "nearly sane" little girl and not tear you limb from limb? Naw, I'm just playing, but please do review!  
  



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